As human beings, we action many tasks automatically and without having to think too much about it. An example would be riding a bike. Even though we might have gone through a few years of not using a bike, if we needed to, we would not find any difficulty in getting back on a bicycle and riding again. This is because we have done it so many times before that we know just what to do and do not have to give it too much conscious thought. So if you were to ask someone, how confident are you that you can ride a bike, as long as they had learnt to ride a bike in the past, they would probably say ‘very confident’. They feel confident about it because they have done it many many times successfully before. In fact they now give very little thought to actions required to ride a bike. It all happens automatically.

This can be called a type of self confidence. Knowing something so well, that as the saying goes, you could do it with your eyes closed or you know it like the back of your hand.

Now when someone says that they have low confidence, they can so easily make the mistake of encompassing their whole life with this label. They might even say ‘I never have any confidence in myself’. By saying this out loud to others who will listen, or even thinking it to themselves, they will be setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. The label you give yourself or the label you accept as being true will invariably mean that you start to fit yourself to that label, and, can make it your own living reality.

However, that person above will be able to successfully accomplish many things confidently but, and here is the big ‘but’ they will not use these successes as evidence of confidence. They will dismiss or belittle them in some way (e.g. saying “I was lucky”) so that they can maintain this need to say they have no confidence. This is a pity as it is only through taking a realistic view of what happens in their world, will they then be able to feel more confident about themselves.

It can be quite startling how someone will say they have no confidence and yet 5 minutes later they will tell you about some amazing things that they do such as talking in front of 10,000 people, or they go mountain climbing. Despite undertaking these events, which ordinarily seem nerve-wracking events, they may still say that they have low confidence.

So confidence or the lack of it, has a lot to do with how you view yourself. If this is the case then really it is down to a perception. Perceptions are not a true reflection of reality all of the time. Often perceptions, even between just 2 people, can be remarkably different even though these 2 people have in reality, experienced exactly the same thing.

Perceptions are the filters we use to process what happens around us. Our perceptions can make us feel good, bad or indifferent. They can give us a boost of energy or deflate us into an anxious and fearful mass. Our perceptions have power.

Our perceptions are, more often than not, based on our past conscious and subconscious experiences. They are our way of analysing what happens around and enabling us to decide the implications for us. When experiencing anything, our minds will very quickly compare the current experience to past experiences and, these past experiences will indicate how we should react to this current experience. If we have had a bad experience that seems very similar to the current experience, we will feel in a similar way to the feeling we associated with that past bad experience.

So our perceptions are based on past experiences and what we have learned from them.

This gives us a clue about how we can change and become more confident. Our perceptions can be so inaccurate and if they were formed at a young age may also have lacked understanding. Most of us have had the experience of perceiving someone or some situation in a particular way, only to realise that we got it completely wrong. With this in mind, although our perceptions are a form or protection and are meant to enable us to weigh up a situation quickly, they can also be wholly inaccurate.

Healthy and robust self-confidence begins by accepting that your perception of yourself may be wrong in certain matters. For example, some friends will be astounded when someone announces (may be on a drunken evening), that they have low confidence. These friends will say will all sincerity that they find this hard to believe as they always appear confident and in control. Yet that person will still insist that they lack confidence. Obviously the signals that they are externalising are not the same as those that they are internalising. Often the person who appears to be the most confident and out-going will have terrible doubts and internal conflicts. The external bravado will be their way of masking how they feel inside.

Balanced self-confidence begins by admitting and accepting more evidence of what you can do well. It also begins by accepting positive and complimentary comments made to you as well as other forms of evidence. In the past you may have dismissed a positive comment that was said to you because you didn’t know how to handle it. You may even have made a joke of it or tried to dig up the tiniest fragment of evidence as to why you don’t deserve such praise. Many people say something like this ‘Oh, it was nothing’.

It would be virtually impossible to retain your self-confidence if you are someone who always dismisses or belittles their achievements. So make up your mind from today not to do it. Decide from this moment onwards to say just two words when someone says something nice or complimentary to. The two words are ‘thank you’. Try it out next time and see how you feel about it. It will help you start to feel the confidence that has always been theyre waiting for you.

In contrast, self-confident persons trust in themselves and their abilities capabilities to achieve their goals. These people focus on succeeding; willing to learn from errors made previously, and are able to use those errors advantageously. These people can grasp that failing does not cause them to become failures. Instead, they thoroughly learned to analyze the root of failing and avoid succumbing to the same difficulties. Self-confident people recognize, anticipate potential obstacles to their goals, and tackle these obstacles with the security that they have the capacity to surmount these possible problems.

Many things can result in a person’s lack of self-confidence. Sometimes, people allow fear to become an obstacle, which hinders them from succeeding in a certain area. At times, persons may be deterred by actual or imagined guilt over past errors. At times, a social phobia can hamper a person’s self-confidence.

An alternative explanation for decreased self-confidence is naïve expectations. Perhaps a person wishes to achieve some task within a certain amount of time. That wish may or may not be practical. In addition, successfully meeting a goal can sometimes take longer than originally planned. Requiring more time to accomplish a task or finding it necessary to surmount unexpected hindrances to realize one’s goals does not indicate failure, despite the fact it may occasionally be viewed as such.

At times, individuals who do not understand how to gain self confidence look for ways to boost self confidence. Often they search for therapists to aid them to build self confidence and settle these difficulties. A number of treatment modalities center on building self confidence. One instance of this is cognitive behavioral theory, which teaches individuals to boost self confidence through goal setting for improving self confidence, such as shaking hands firmly. Moreover, they measure an individual’s successes by the accomplishment of smaller and then larger goals. Focusing on such tasks does assist persons learn behaviors linked with self-confidence; however, it fails to change their self-images or assist them to resolve the struggles that caused the poor self-concept.

Positive self-talk is an alternative approach to boosting self confidence. A common topic in psychology classes is the self-fulfilling prophecy. This concept claims that individuals are most likely to realize the goals that they view themselves to be able to achieve. Therefore, if individuals believe themselves likely to fail or minimal achievement, they will do exactly this. Contrastingly, if individuals consider themselves high achievers who can succeed, they will accomplish their aspirations. Professionals who practice positive self-talk focus on assisting individuals boost self confidence, and help them to perceive themselves as efficacious persons who are able to pursue their goals effectively.

Hypnosis is another method of building self-confidence. Through the process of building confidence hypnotherapy, individuals can achieve a meditative condition alone or with the presence of a therapist. They hear positive words and ideas that permit them to have greater self-confidence by accepting strong behavioral suggestions. This approach is very useful for individuals who are not logical or critical thinkers. For those who are, however, this method of boosting self confidence is significantly less effective.

A more recent alternative treatment that may be used to develop self confidence is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). This original therapy can actually utilize self-beliefs that have been causational factors in the person’s low self-esteem to trigger thoughts that will develop self confidence!

NLP techniques can assist an individual to correlate prior experiences of accomplishment to the present. Through the technique of anchoring, individuals can learn to identify memories of positive self confidence in their past, and anchor those instances. On those occasions that individual needs to build once more, he or she just triggers that anchor to draw from strengths developed by prior experiences to trust in and look forward to the success of the current endeavor.

NLP is distinctively simple and yet indescribably beneficial. In contrast with other treatments, it eradicates the need for one to painfully probe into former difficulties or prolonged counseling sessions to work effectively. NLP alone offers results for almost each individual who employs it appropriately. The largest majority of clients who try NLP gain self confidence very soon after starting the therapy.

Not only will your income increase but your job satisfaction will increase as well. It is so much more satisfying to be able to look at your work day and to say with total conviction that your time was well spent.

In order to understand how to get the most out of your day let’s look at the three types of workers.

The first type of worker is time focused. He rates his contribution in the amount of hours he spends at work. You will often hear people speaking in this fashion describing how dedicated they are because they work 60 hours per week.

The question the time focused worker needs to ask is what exactly are they doing with that time. Studies have shown that most workers are only effective for about 20% of their working time. The other 80% includes things such as coffee breaks, conversation, browsing the internet, talking on the telephone, preparing to start, preparing to finish and all the other things that keep a person busy but aren’t really productive.

The second type of worker is activity focused. They realize that they aren’t being paid just to put in the hours. They will think about what tasks they are being paid to perform and they will judge their value as a worker in terms of what they actually do in the organization. When you hear this type of worker describe how hard they work they will give you a list of all the things they do in a typical day.

The question that the activity focused worker needs to ask is what outcomes are they getting from the activity. You could be the hardest worker in your organization but all the work you do may not contribute a single dollar to the bottom line profit.

Many self employed people and many managers fall into this category of worker. They genuinely believe that they are the backbone of the company because they work so hard but in fact if they resigned very little would change.

The third type of worker is the results focused worker. This worker realizes that no-one really gets paid to put in hours or even to keep busy. People get paid to produce a result. Whether you are an employee or self employed it is the results that you produce that will ultimately determine your value to the organization and therefore, sooner or later, your income level.

If you want to get the most out of your work day ask yourself what results you are being paid for. Once you are clear on your results objective then periodically throughout the day ask yourself if what you are doing at that moment is producing the results that you are paid to produce.

If the answer is “no” then stop doing that and start doing something that will produce the appropriate results.

Once you become consistently results focused the next step is to ask yourself how you can improve on the results that you have been getting. There is always room for improvement no matter how good your results are. If you develop that combination of results focus and constant improvement then you will soon discover that you are enjoying your work a lot more and that your income is going up as well.

One of the reasons it’s so difficult for many people to focus and concentrate for long periods is this constant mental activity.

It’s hard to focus and concentrate when your thoughts and emotions are constantly interfering with our attention, but the brain and mind are wired this way and it’s completely normal.

If you don’t know it by now the brain works and behaves much like a muscle. So to train it you exercise it like you would a regular muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.

Even though your brain looks like a mass of grey jelly and is very soft it behaves and reacts just like a muscle with rigorous mental workouts. You’ll feel it as soon as you start exercising it regularly. Your brain will feel more powerful and you’ll be able to do things with your mind that you can only dream of now.

Craig Ramey of the University of Alabama states that the brain and education are almost synonymous. Children acquire new skills by rehearsing again and again until they can do it automatically. We need to practice regularly, or else we lose them. “Use it, or lose it” is as true for cognitive mental skills as it is for muscles.

Brain cells, like muscles, need exercise in the form of education or other stimulating experiences to stay healthy. Researchers have found that the brain’s great capacity to physically change and become more powerful with experience – once thought to be limited to childhood – remains throughout life.

Exercising your brain and mind causes physical changes in the brain. You can change or strengthen physical connections between synapses or build new ones. Some physical changes in the brain may take just a few seconds or they may take hours or days to develop.

You can develop specific abilities just by practicing certain exercises that affect the areas of your brain where these abilities reside. Scientists have already created programs for learning-disabled children by using this technology.

The mental patterns that get the most attention get stronger and more persistent. As you get older they become more ingrained, habitual and fixed, and you become more and more of the same.

When you really work out your mind, new dendrites grow and form new pathways for information and energy to flow through. Dendrites are thin branch like structures that convey information between brain cells. To make your left-brain more powerful you need to work hard on solving logical problems, math and language. By working hard on abstract, spatial or emotional problems your right brain becomes more powerful. To develop your frontal lobes, the master muscle of your brain, your exercises should focus on improving concentration, solving future related problems, multitasking and meta-cognitive tasks.

You go to the gym and use the equipment there to exercise and train specific muscles. The same applies to your brain. You use specific “mental weights” to exercise certain areas of the brain, and the mental muscles you want to make more powerful.

When you understand your ideal prospects better than the competition it’s easier for you to attract them. When you know about your prospects you can stop wasting your time sending them information about you and what you have to offer. Instead you can prepare a message that resonates with them. But you can’t do that unless you do your homework.

Do a little research until you know the top 3 concerns they’re actively thinking about. If they have a website you certainly want to read it to find out about them, but you need to know more about them than that. Read, listen, and pay attention to the things they do. Figure out the message you want to send them. Speak to them about what they want or need and why it’s difficult to get it or why they’re struggling to get it. They should clearly recognize that you understand them, and that you have something they want.

Even when you have all that you usually mess things up by having either no offer, or an offer they’re unlikely to take you up on. Just throwing your message out there and hoping someone will contact you is hopeless. You might get one or two responses on a rare occasion, but nothing consistent and nothing predictable.

When you’ve done all the work to this point, don’t throw it away by hoping for an action. Make sure there will be an action by extending an offer they’ll have to take you up on so you get the most value from the time you’ve invested. You can think of this offer as the bait

Use the right bait for the right people. When your offer is nothing more than asking them to call you people know that’s an offer for a sales pitch, and people won’t volunteer to be sold. You can improve your offer by providing something that educates them about something they want or want to avoid. When they can request a free report there is much less risk involved to ask for the report than there is in asking for an appointment. This may seem like a lot of work on the upfront, but it will save you time and increase your results in the long run. And it will help you to consistently and predictably get the customers you want.

The reality is that France won that game, and no-one can claim that they didn’t deserve it, even though some may argue that they were lucky to have even made it that far, since they barely scraped through their earlier matches.

So the question arises, how did a French team that didn’t have the quality of players that the Brazilians had, do the “impossible” and win the match?

The answer is simple, yet profound. The Brazilians, despite all their attacking threat, remembered an earlier World Cup in France, when they were beaten in the Final by this same French team. So that defeat weighed heavily on their minds, and they were determined not to let it happen again. So their minds were not set on winning, but were rather set on “not losing”.

France on the other hand, had only one thing on their mind, “winning”. Everything they did was focused on that one goal. And they had one other thing that worked to their advantage. They too remembered their great win against the Brazilians. This inspired them because they knew they could do it again.

The French have a history of causing sporting upsets against more fancied teams. On two occasions their supposedly “inferior” rugby team turned the tables and beat what is arguably, the best rugby team in the world, the New Zealand All Blacks. The All Blacks, too, just like the Brazilians focused on “not losing again” and paid the price.

You may think there is no difference, between “winning” and “not losing” but let me tell you. There is a huge difference.

Your subconscious mind is not as logical as you may think it is. It takes everything literally. The Law of Attraction states that “whatever you focus on, your subconscious mind automatically attracts” no exceptions.

Now, when you focus on “not losing” you put all your emotion on that thing you don’t want, which in this case is “losing” and guess what, you’ll attract a loss.

Your mind cannot assume that when you focus on “not losing” you actually mean, winning. If you want to win, you have to focus on “winning” PERIOD!

Think about your own life. What happens when you think about not having money, or worrying that you’ll not have money? I’m sure you agree that you attract more of the same. As these examples have shown, getting that you want is not dependent on how many or what type of resources you have or don’t have. All it takes is identifying what you want, focusing on it and then taking action that is consistent with your desire.

Once you do that the Universe will give you all the conditions, resources and people you need to make your dream a reality.

When you play while thinking about “not losing”, all your actions are driven by fear. However those who play to win play with confidence. Their attitude is, “I have nothing to lose, so I might as well give it my everything”.

If you’re not putting everything you have into your game, then you’re definitely not playing to win.

It intrigues me that out of 100 people interviewed in their 20′s, when asked about the prospects for their life, they felt good about life, and felt they would be successful. When again asked in the later years of life there was a marked difference!

Only 1 person achieved extraordinary success, 4 achieved notable success. The rest were either broke, requiring state pension (which is just like welfare), or were dead! This is unfortunate; however, if we look at these 5 people who did make it, what is the answer?

We find the successful man is one who knows his or her purpose, and is acting upon it. Ultimately this makes a person a success. Consider it for a moment! To be a success, you need to know your purpose. This makes a purpose driven life.

Some people spend their entire lives to try and figure out their purpose. For the most part, people spend so little time on it. Like how the wannabe’s who want to visit Hawaii, but do nothing about it!

A look at purpose will show that you need to step out of the materialistic view for a moment. Looking at the Joneses, the rich and famous just won’t do this.

Going back to earlier, I went for my walk today, as I like to do. I prefer it better than running! What was interesting is that when I left home, I heard a mother ask her child – “what are you going to be when you grow up?” The child replied “Everything will come out ok!”

Normally I would consider that as not being a purpose driven life! However, the echoes of those words brought intrigue in me, and looking at my own life path, to this point.

For example, I have had occasion where I have followed my head. I.e. I said I was going to do something, achieve something, etc, and it never worked. The moment I started seeing success, was when I started listening to my heart.

So true it is what that child said today, and I had to share it with you today, and with the world. If we all can listen to our own hearts, we can achieve something amazing – freedom!

But, you have all these problems, and a purpose driven life seems ok for some! We can learn a lot from the birds that fly around this Earth. They neither argue nor struggle, being free, they live there purpose, and life gives them abundantly. They have food, they have shelter, etc.

It seems like humans are the only ones struggling! And this is even though we are meant to be the vicegerents of the Earth! What are your skills, abilities and talents? That is where the truth of purpose lies. All you have to do is start!

Your choice, willpower and desire to accomplish the activity should be total and complete, to the point that it releases the full energies of your character and generates an overflowing eagerness to convert that willpower into action. Power is the basis for all accomplishment. Human power and energy is released when your mind, emotions and essential personality fully support and keenly pursue the same goal. Where there is inner disagreement or uncertainty or where you act out of a sympathetic or accepted ideal that the emotions do not fully support, the release of energy will be partial and therefore the results will be incomplete. Total commitment is based on total knowledge and sympathetic of the requirements of the act and the role of both helpful and opposing forces.

All your opinions, attitudes and motives about the activity should be fully optimistic. It should be free of all negative elements, such as dishonesty, deceit, overstatement, self-centeredness, covetousness, anger, irritation, impatience, greed, panic, lethargy, etc. We are not telling that you must be transformed into a saint or an ideal human being, but with respect to the specific activity, you should raise your opinion, approach and attitudes to the maximum level of which you are able. You may be acting for your own individual advantage, which we may term self-centered, but you are always able of considering and carrying out that action in such a way that is does not damage and may also completely benefit other people linked with the act, such as the person with whom you are negotiating a sale purchase.

To be optimistic means that your energies are fully released and flow out in positive expressions at the level of thought words, feelings and acts, rather than getting trapped up in inner or external conflicts and confrontations which waste the energy unproductively. This means to act out of the greatest values of which you are able with respect to every facet of this activity.

Make a comprehensive and complete physical effort. Accomplishment in any field requires a huge investment of energy and thorough physical execution. Perfect and unending success requires that the energy be full and the implementation perfect. You can not achieve perfect and unending success if your actions fall short in terms of the skill or effort required for accomplishment in this field. Perfect and unending success in life can be achieved by any person if he or she is willing to achieve it. Person should not be in confusion to make their goals and they should be high motivating and willingness to work towards decided goals.

Copyright © Nick Mutt, All Rights Reserved. If you want to use this article on your website or in your ezine, make all the urls (links) active.

Wedding Ceremonies, Civil Partnerships, Namings and Blessings

Interfaith Ministers are frequently invited to lead the celebrations and family events. In a civil ceremony you cannot use religious or spiritual words or elements. A traditional minister or priest may only consider holding a ceremony for you in his or her church and with a pre-established structure and language derived from church doctrine. But an interfaith minister has the freedom to create a unique ceremony using the words that are most meaningful for you and your family. Your beliefs and values come first. Your ceremony can be held literally anywhere that is suitable.

Many interfaith ministers are familiar with civil partnership ceremonies and blessings. Some ministers are gay men or lesbians and have been in relationships themselves.

An interfaith ceremony is an ideal way of celebrating an event where the partners are from different religious or cultural backgrounds. The service can be designed to honour the different faiths with appropriate and sensitive words and rituals that reflect the beliefs and values of those involved. Whether you consider yourselves religious or not, spiritual or atheist, an interfaith minister can help as we take into account your beliefs, whatever they are and create a ceremony in a way that reflects them. It may be secular or include religious elements and wording, or be spiritual – or a blend of all three.

Interfaith ministers have many ideas for music, vow creation, readings, rituals and practical things to think about to make sure the day goes smoothly. They will help your preparations, support and guide you, so that everything works fine on the day.

Funerals and memorials

Interfaith Ministers can also available to conduct funeral services that reflect the lives and wishes of the person who has died and his or her family. The service can be held in a crematorium, burial site or other appropriate setting. A meaningful funeral is important for marking the completion of a life and to help those left behind to release the loved one, friend or colleague. The minister seeks to meet the needs and beliefs not only of the deceased, but of all who attend a funeral. The family who organised a recent funeral with in interfaith minister wrote:

“I am writing to express my gratitude and to share with you the most beautiful “Home Coming” ceremony for my mother. My mother knew that there were three parts to her “being” on earth and so three parts to her departure. Her home coming ceremony therefore reflected this knowing by sharing our memories of her by sitting in a circle and sharing poems, songs, readings, and the memories and wisdom she had given to each of us and through the lighting of candles. We then moved to the beach where we threw petals into her beloved sea, with the metaphor of each wave being but a life as we break upon the shore and then return to the onesness that is God. There were people all over the world joining us at this time throwing petals into gardens and across their lounges as we said farewell and wished mum a happy home coming.. a return to the ocean..that unversal consciousness. The day was not just sprinkled but littered…strewn, with symbolic “happening” of gifts, healing and messages that embodied all that is my mother. So many have already said to me what an amazing and healing experience it has been, and how much joy they have gained from being apart of it.”